Mental illness has a way of sometimes sweeping through my life like a bushfire. It can hit when I least expect it to. This episode was caused, so my psychiatrist thinks by the destabilisation caused by closing the toy shop. That sounds a bit wacky to me. He thinks that it represents a ‘loss of childhood’. I am not so sure. It may have been the stress of that ordeal. It may also be the fact that the man who often plays a central character in my ILLNESS released an album very recently. I sometimes think that maybe he makes me unwell.
There may be something sensible about following him on social media though. At this point, I am unsure what to really do, but I do find that when I get a sense of what is happening in his world and his head it helps me to understand that I am no one in his world. It is clear that he is not thinking about me, and he certainly isn’t looking at MY page, so maybe it IS all in my head, and this guy has absolutely nothing to do with me. I would like to learn this lesson because it has a tendency to flare up at times and bite me on the arse. No fun.
Medication can help to let my mind heal
In terms of the medication, which is helping so much; I have been prescribed an ‘as needed’ dose of Seroquel, to take for the first four or five days and then as needed. The rationale was that it would help to get my sleep back into a rhythm and this would help my thoughts to get on track. I think it must be an antipsychotic too though because in the past few days my mind has started to become more rational. I am not swept up in this maelstrom of ‘something happening’ of the colours being meaningful, of the terms of reference from people out there in my world. It strikes me again that if it can be deconstructed with something as simple as an addition to my medication, then it must be in my head, mustn’t it?
Grateful for all love and support
Thanks so much for your support in this endeavour. It does help me to get better too, so thanks!? Do I think any of my readers is that guy, Super Mouse? I doubt it VERY much. He seems too caught up in his own world and himself to care very much about me at all. I just can’t imagine that he cares about my health or well being. This is what my new found rationality has uncovered.
Because Seroquel is addictive and has a ‘street value’, I can only take it for a few days. I might take it for one or two more nights and then put it to one side in case I need it again. It certainly does bring a lovely experience to my day. Since I have been taking it, I have been floating through the streets like a balloon. Just so happy to take everything in, and to observe all the different things that there is to see in a city street. An average walk through the streetscapes can be so interesting and so incredibly beautiful.